Thousand Layer Dumpling - Part 1

Part 1: Peeling Back the Layers of Intention

I shared my intention in writing this blog: to share inspirations, explorations, and insights from my personal journey, hoping they offer a different perspective to reflect upon. I have a new insight which I’m still very much in exploration mode on, but I feel it’s all the more interesting to think out loud and share the process with you. Hence, I’ve split this into a two-part post.

So often, we read about epic journeys of self-discovery in books, podcasts, or movies. But I suspect that the real process of understanding oneself doesn’t follow a neat story with a beginning, challenge, triumph, and then a happily-ever-after ending. Even though we use the analogy of peeling back layers, like a thousand-layer dumpling, where each layer reveals more of ourselves, I’ve come to believe there is no bottom. Unlike dim sum dumplings, which eventually reveal a sweet or savory filling, our exploration of self is continuous and infinite, like the universe.

What I want to share here is very much an ongoing exploration. In sound healing and energy work, intention is essential. But what I’m looking at goes deeper than conscious intention—it’s about drive, motivation, and even something beyond that. There’s an invisible force that influences every decision we make, whether we’re picking a video on YouTube or choosing a job or relationship. Even when we think our decisions are logical, random, or straightforward, I’ve come to realize that there’s a coherent subconscious at play.

The key word here is subconscious—most of us are unaware of how pervasive it is. To illustrate, I’ll trace back my own journey in the hopes it resonates.

As I briefly mentioned in a previous post, an incident occurred during my first year of kindergarten, but I didn’t discuss it with my family until I was around 10 or 11. I recognized how that event affected my body, but I wasn’t aware of its mental or emotional impact throughout my teens and twenties. It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that I started noticing the "broken" or "damaged" parts of myself, which my subconscious and ego had worked hard to disguise. This sparked a deep questioning within me: Is this who I really am?

By my forties, I had become deeply committed to this quest, even though I didn’t know what or where I was trying to get to. Practices like yoga, meditation, and esoteric studies drew me deeper, even though I didn’t think I needed "self-help." Through various teachings, processes, and coaching, I began to self-realize. My first big realization was how highly critical I had been of both others and myself. I was never satisfied with what others were doing, nor with what I was achieving. This feeling of "not-good-enoughness" was rooted in that early childhood experience, and I began to see how it permeated my subconscious decision-making and even led to self-sabotaging behavior.

Here are some questions for you to reflect upon:

• What is driving your decisions today?
• How much of your decision-making is truly conscious, and how much is driven by past experiences?
• Are there hidden forces influencing your choices?