Your Ego is no Sago Pudding

Sago pudding, for me, is that rare treat in a dim sum meal. It’s not the easiest dessert to prepare—many steps of separate ingredient prepping are necessary. It’s not a staple on the dim sum menu, meaning not every restaurant serves it, and even those that do may not make it every time or prepare many portions. It’s the quintessential Hong Kong dim sum phenomenon—a magical blend of Anglo-Chinese culinary ingredients: English custard enriched with sago (a starch extracted from tropical palms), with a core of sweet lotus seed paste, baked for a lightly browned top.

Sago pudding gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s soft, but with the texture of sago. It’s warm (though I’ve learned not to eat it while it’s burning hot). It’s sweet, creamy, buttery, and eggy—everything you want in a dessert, bringing a smile to your heart. [Here's a link to a simplified version to make it at home if you want to give it a try.]

So, why am I talking about dim sum again? Because this is a ‘hack’ that has helped me to identify the voice of my higher self versus that of my ego or lower self. Over the years, I’ve learned to observe the sometimes shocking power of my subconscious (I use subconscious and ego interchangeably here). Recently, I realized how certain beliefs I formed while growing up shaped how I perceive my "realities," including how I see others, situations, and myself.

To illustrate, let me get specific. I’ve always seen myself as somehow ‘lesser’ than other people. A kindergarten experience, which I now interpret as simply being misunderstood, left me with the belief that I was different in a lesser way. And, as we know, if you look for evidence of being 'not enough,' you’ll always find plenty to prove it. So, as I grew up, I unconsciously adopted these ideas and beliefs into my identity.

Fast forward to today—finally, I’ve had glimpses of my true self. For split seconds, it felt like the colored goggles I didn’t even know I was wearing came loose, and I saw the world unfiltered by my beliefs. I realized that so much of my stories, identities, and ways of seeing and doing things were shaped by these "filters" my ego put in place in the name of protecting me.

For example, I never learned to ride a bicycle or swim properly—not because I wasn’t given plenty of chances, but because my ego convinced me it was too risky, too scary, and I might get hurt. So, it was okay to not have these skills, to be somewhat disadvantaged. I was living under the belief that I wasn’t enough, that I belonged to the camp of people who were somehow lacking, victims at life’s mercy. But now I know better. These beliefs are not TRUE. I want to take off those goggles. I tell myself: I am okay with failing, I am okay with making mistakes, I am okay with falling. And I hear my ego fight hard to stay in control.

Yup, the image is of Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" with Tom Cruise in court: "You can't handle the truth!"

Now I know my higher self doesn’t sound like that. My higher self speaks to me like sago pudding—gentle, soft, and warm. It speaks to my heart, not to my fear-based beliefs. So, next time you feel resistance to change coming up, know that it will come in many different shapes and forms—disguised as caution, being "reasonable" or "rational." But the TRUTH, if you listen to your heart, is that there’s no ‘impossible,’ as long as YOU decide it’s possible.

What about you? Can you think of a moment when your ego whispered limits, but your heart knew there was more possible?