Thousand Layer Dumpling - Part 2

Part 2: Understanding the True Drive Behind Our Actions

Recently, while reading Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza, I peeled back another layer of self-awareness. I reconnected with the physical sensation of a knot in my stomach—a dense, heavy feeling like an AA battery—that literally pulled all my energy inward and paralyzed my free spirit, sending me into survival mode. This same sensation had surfaced in moments of fear or disapproval since childhood, as my subconscious tried to protect me.

This is where the subconscious keeps us stuck in a loop. By giving energy to the past, we keep it alive, constantly recreating similar situations and relationships so our bodies can produce the same familiar emotions. Even though these feelings may not be pleasant, they are at least known. I realized that this sensation I kept experiencing was tied to shame, which sits at the lowest level of the energetic scale in David Hawkins' Map of Consciousness. As children, we believe everything revolves around us, so if something bad happens, we think we’re responsible.

I began to see how shame had driven many of my decisions and actions. It led me to ask: Is my urge to learn and grow driven by a desire to cover up feelings of lack? Am I striving for success because I believe in myself, or because I’m afraid of failure?

It’s important to tune into this because I believe the universe responds to our energy—not to our words or conscious thoughts. You can sense the difference between someone exercising out of love for their body versus someone doing it to impress others. Similarly, a parent pushing their child to succeed out of love creates a different energy than one motivated by fear of looking bad.

For my personal reflection, I ask myself: If I didn’t have this feeling of shame, how would my decision-making change? How would I behave if I were free from this past version of myself?

Here are some questions for you to reflect upon:

• What are the deeper motivations behind your actions?
• Are you acting from love or fear?
• How would you act differently if you weren’t driven by shame or fear?

Some may say this is overthinking, but for me, it brings new awareness. What’s your take?