The Gloomy Bloom (Part 2): Sitting with the Restless In-Between

I just got back from a little vacation in Athens.
The sun was glorious. The food was divine.

But once I returned — the house full of guests, my schedule slowly refilling — I felt it creeping in.

A stirring.
Not a breakdown. Not burnout.
Just this low-grade, restless dissatisfaction.

A bit grumpy.
A bit annoyed.
A bit angry at the world for not moving how I want it to.
Nothing dramatic — and yet, I couldn’t ignore it either.

I started observing my usual pattern:
Maybe I need another trip.
Maybe we should move.
Maybe the next big success will shift things.

But I’ve been down that path enough to know the truth:
The answer isn’t out there.

The Impulse to Escape

When I feel like this, I notice how easy it is to turn outward.
The impulse to escape kicks in quickly — emotional eating, scrolling, filling the calendar, chasing something new.

I even caught myself checking how many views my latest posts got, even as I tell others not to measure their worth by external metrics.
It’s ironic, but also very human.

Sometimes, I just want to stop being the one who “knows what to do.”
Sometimes I want beauty.
Spaciousness.
Novelty.
Rest.
Witnessing.
Play.

But instead of giving myself those things directly, I reach for substitutes — food, plans, tasks, learning, control.

This Sacred, Messy Space

This in-between is uncomfortable.
It’s not clear or easy to name.
Is it perimenopausal? Hormonal? Existential? Just fatigue?
I don’t even know when it started.

Nothing is falling apart, yet my nervous system feels like it’s in crisis mode.
It’s that fight-or-flight feeling — but you don’t know what you’re fighting or what exactly you’re fleeing from.

And yet… this is a sacred space.

One that so many of us try to avoid.
We try to fill the gaping void with doing, achieving, planning.
But no one told us this is where the next version of us gets created.

The Gloomy Bloom

I’ve started calling this phase the gloomy bloom.

It’s like the stage when sourdough dough is rising — the part you can’t rush, or you’ll ruin the whole loaf.
It’s the discomfort in a deep yoga pose, when you’re stretching toward your edge.
It’s the final reps at the gym, the ones that build strength by tearing old muscle just a little.
It’s the caterpillar dissolving into plasma before becoming a butterfly.
It looks like nothing is happening. But everything essential is happening.

We’re arriving at the edge of ourselves.
And most of us never learned how to be here.

What I’m Learning

I’m learning that this discomfort is not a sign that I’m off-track.
It’s a clue.
It’s my soul nudging me to pause, to breathe, to realign.

It’s funny to realize that my grumpiness is my soul’s call for alignment.
Because I’ve strayed from what I teach — from the practices that ground me.
All the tasks, all the opportunities, all the noise — they crowd out the silence where truth lives.

And in that silence, I hear it again:

“Can you sit with this?”
“Can you listen?”
Not to fix.
Not to escape.
But to remember.

And here’s what I’m finding:
When I sit quietly and listen — really listen — to my body,
When I let my emotions have a voice instead of silencing them or trying to move past them,
They speak loud and clear.

They show me exactly where my soul has already claimed sovereignty.
They offer me all the clues I need to come back into alignment.

This is where a new identity begins to form — the one my soul has already claimed.
And now, I’m catching up.

I need to look honestly at the old parts of me still clinging on.
The old ways of being that no longer fit.
It’s a kind of spiritual closet-cleaning.

Because if I don’t take time to sort through what’s outdated, those pieces will keep holding me back — no matter how much I grow.

If You’re Here Too…

If you’ve felt this foggy, restless, irritated space — I see you.
You’re not failing.
You’re not behind.
You’re in a sacred threshold.

You don’t need another plan.
You don’t need to be clearer or more confident before taking your next step.

You just need to be with what is.
To trust that this in-between is not a mistake.

It’s the gloomy bloom.
And something beautiful is rising beneath the surface.

🌀
We go deep into this space — learning to stay present, listen to the body, and hear what your soul is whispering — inside Module 1 of the Soul Voyager journey.

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